i just snorted my name. best moment ever
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He passed out mid-signature
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
