Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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