I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
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