Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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