No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
