So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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