How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize