the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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