normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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