Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
