so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
