I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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