I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
