I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
im six kinds of drunk right now
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
