he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
