dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My life is pants optional.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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