the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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