It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
