Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
