i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
