one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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