You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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