youre lurking in front of me
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
