I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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