i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I love having hate sex.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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