OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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