This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
