I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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