with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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