The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
