I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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