I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
