I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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