Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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