How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
