shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
