I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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