I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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