shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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