I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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