Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
