that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize