I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
