my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize