I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Come on in and take your pants off
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