I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
