actually, I'm a sock model
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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