Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
