I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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