so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
