Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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