I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Is it because I queefed?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize