True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
