Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
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Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
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Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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