Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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