Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
