A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
