I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
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How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
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If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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