I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.