I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
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The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight