There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
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I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
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She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?