no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
it's like iHOP with fire
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Randomize
