Betty ford says i'm here all night
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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