dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
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you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
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her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
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