Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Randomize
